Armand doesn't admit to it directly, but he doesn't disagree. Vash had been loud, and Armand recognized his voice even if it was less drunken rambling this time.
"I assume he came to speak to you about his death." He'd go so far as to guess that Sam had probably reached out to him, considering that he'd made a general announcement.
"Well, yes an' no, but that wasn't quite the case," he admits. "Vash was hopin' to talk to you about his death, an' in my capacity as yer warden I stepped in to make sure he couldn't."
He gestures a hand lightly. "I know I've been talkin' a lot about how you're yer own person now, an' that we're tryin' to work on you makin' yer own choices, so I don't feel grand about takin' that one away from you then an' there."
"What is there to say?" He could see that as a potential reason for Sam to give. He's sure he could've come up with something, but he hadn't been asked to speak with him.
"I could have gone down to speak to him." Technically. He takes a step back. "Please, come in. If we are to talk, there is no reason to do so in the hallway."
"Thanks, amigo." He won't take the bed from him, instead just sitting on the edge of the desk. He feels a bit bad that the shelves are so empty everywhere; he hopes Armand takes the opportunity to fill them.
"I don't like tryin' t'take control away from you on things," he says simply, leaning back against the desk and folding his arms lightly over his chest. There's no tension to him, just relaxed and at ease. "But when Vash came in I didn't reckon he was in a fit state of mind t'be askin' you anythin' about what happened when you bit him. I was worried he'd react badly if you told him somethin' that he didn't wanna hear - and with you not really even knowin' why you bit him, well, unfortunately I figured I was bettin' on a winnin' horse."
Armand sits on the bed, legs tucked under him. He's far from the state he'd been in on the deck, but in both cases it's more a matter of automatic gesture rather than conscious choice. He doesn't have to think about it: it changes depending on circumstances but the years spent as artists' model remain, no matter how long the centuries.
"I do know why I bit him. He was convenient." He tilts his head, matter-of-fact. "I know that's not an answer he'd like to hear." He might not be able to read minds at the moment, but he doesn't need to to come up with the sort of answer Vash might prefer.
"Yeah, that's about the reason I was expectin' it to be." Which is more than Armand had had the capacity to give him before. Or maybe he just wasn't pretending to appeal to Sam about it. "It ain't a secret that humans find death to be damn upsetting." He shrugs lightly. "Hell, even baby vampires do, but most of us are forced t'get used to it fer the sake of our survival."
He shifts to cross one leg over the other, an idle sit. "But dyin' for the first time's terrifyin', even if you know intellectually that yer gonna come back - some folks here might not come to terms with that right away. Vash seems like he's one a' those types, where his death damn well got to him."
"Yes, those who cannot get used to it die quickly. It's a reverse of the living, who can be in more danger if they do not find death upsetting." He lifts a shoulder. "Do not find the idea of their own deaths upsetting." Much like with young vampires, the ones that don't think too much about the deaths of other get far further, in his experience.
"I was not afraid of my final death, but I was already dying." He'd been close to the edge of death before. He'd had reason to be glad to be back. "There are those who fear the thought of acceptance." Does he think that Vash was seeking his own death? He couldn't read his mind but he wouldn't go that far. Is there a reason that Vash might be less certain? Well, there are a range of reasons that someone can end up dead (more metaphorically) drunk and speaking to someone who isn't there, but Armand has far more experience interacting with humans at their last moments than he has in most other areas involving interacting with humans.
"I can't rightly speak fer what about it might've gotten Vash so spooked, but the fact that you killed him really fucked him up," he says plainly. "He was on a warpath, even comin' right out of tollin' t'come and ask fer ya, an' I believed he'd do somethin' that would've ended real poorly fer both a' y'all if I'd let him."
"I don't know him," he says, in response to the emphasis on 'you'. People can be rattled by death at a familiar hand. Not that they can't be unnerved by unfamiliar teeth. He considers Sam's words a moment. "I do not think it would have ended poorly for me." He can't speak for Vash.
"You don't have to know him t'be the one responsible fer killin' him, Armand," he says, flatly stern. "Drainin' Vash means that you're the one who directly lead t'that outcome an' his death."
His arms tighten across his chest a little, but he just looks disappointed. "An' maybe you should think about the outcome a' that sort a' thing a little more. You can't predict what people might do when they're upset, an' tellin' someone outright that they just happened t'be the first warm body you came across to hurt when you wanted to sink yer teeth into somethin' isn't gonna be somethin' most people take well. 'specially someone who's already got reason to resent yer actions."
"Yes, of course I was." He hasn't denied that fact, though looking back he supposes there were ways he could've tried to hide it. He hadn't been thinking of that. He doesn't know what that has to do with anything.
Armand looks mildly offended. "I wouldn't have told him that." He has no reason not to say it to Sam, but that no reason to think he'd ever say it to Vash. "I have thought of potential outcomes." Post facto, but still.
"So you would have lied to his damn face about it instead." He tilts his head a little. "Or more likely, you'd have gone an' told him what you think he wants to hear, an' probably made it twice as bad."
His arms loosen a little, but he still looks unhappy. "Pardon the phrase, but what in the Sam Hill did you think was gonna happen if he did confront you?"
Armand tilts his head, the 'obviously' more clear than if he spoke the word. "I expect he'd want an apology." He can give a very sincere apology if he really tries.
He lifts a shoulder. "I see it more as a matter of what he could do. Words? Violence? Some abstract spell?" None of which would bother him. "A chance to express emotions can clean a wound rather than let it fester." There's nothing here that matters to him enough that Vash could destroy it.
"Armand, I'm gonna say this once, and I'd like you to take it seriously."
His arms unfold, hanging slack by his sides. "I don't want you wastin' yer time on any apologies you ain't sayin' with yer whole goddamn chest." And a light gesture. "I don't want any lip service - you're way too smart fer that. So - unless you care that you hurt someone, you understand what they want from an apology, an' you plan on makin' an effort to do better by the person you wronged, there ain't no point."
He sighs, put-upon by this latest order. "I do understand what most of them want from an apology." To make themselves feel like they have more power in the situation. He agrees that it's a waste of time, and it isn't an instruction he has any particular desire to deviate from, but he's not unaware. His lack of interest in apologizing does make it easier to offer the mild complaint.
"Yeah, well. Right now I ain't so sure you're doin' anythin' with an apology besides bein' exactly what you think other people expect from you," Sam grumbles. "So we're gonna work on cuttin' out any habits that serve that purpose directly."
"It's more useful as something they don't expect. They often appreciate an apology more if they believe it comes at some cost." It's not that Armand doesn't have pride, of a sort. It can help to project that, so people can get the pleasure of thinking they've broken something.
Sam can't help the surprised scowl. "Hell, Armand, that's way worse! That's just actively manipulatin' folks into forgivin' you when you've hurt 'em. They deserve better than that, an' frankly speakin', so do you!"
"Armand, the cost of apologisin' is the fact you already done somethin' to hurt 'em."
As the kids say, this is some wild shit.
"An' there's a difference between goin' through the motions - apologising to make sure you get in less trouble fer hurtin' 'em - and actually meaning what you say. If yer gonna weaponise yer apology to make folks pity you, instead of sayin' 'em cos you want to do better by 'em, then I still don't want you sayin' 'em."
"There are those who say a vampire should not apologize, but I do not enjoy fighting." Which is something of an alternative to fighting, back home. "Things are different here."
It's not as if he's looking for a way he can stick to Sam's words while also apologizing to someone.
"Sometimes you just gotta own up t'the fact that yer actions made someone else feel like shit, Armand," he says, firm but not unkind. "An' sometimes that means gettin' into a fight an' losin' 'cos you done fucked up. Feelin' guilt ain't the end of the world."
Armand smiles slightly. His smile often isn't an indication of happiness, but then, he's rarely happy. Sam thinks he doesn't feel guilt? Armand wishes that was true. He doesn't know who he'd be, but people rarely like him as he is.
"Then yer probably aware that just 'cos we're feelin' things really intensely, that doesn't necessarily mean that those feelings're actually affectin' reality."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
momijizukamori
Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 05:34 am (UTC)"I assume he came to speak to you about his death." He'd go so far as to guess that Sam had probably reached out to him, considering that he'd made a general announcement.
Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 05:39 am (UTC)He gestures a hand lightly. "I know I've been talkin' a lot about how you're yer own person now, an' that we're tryin' to work on you makin' yer own choices, so I don't feel grand about takin' that one away from you then an' there."
Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 05:44 am (UTC)"I could have gone down to speak to him." Technically. He takes a step back. "Please, come in. If we are to talk, there is no reason to do so in the hallway."
Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 05:55 am (UTC)"I don't like tryin' t'take control away from you on things," he says simply, leaning back against the desk and folding his arms lightly over his chest. There's no tension to him, just relaxed and at ease. "But when Vash came in I didn't reckon he was in a fit state of mind t'be askin' you anythin' about what happened when you bit him. I was worried he'd react badly if you told him somethin' that he didn't wanna hear - and with you not really even knowin' why you bit him, well, unfortunately I figured I was bettin' on a winnin' horse."
Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 06:05 am (UTC)"I do know why I bit him. He was convenient." He tilts his head, matter-of-fact. "I know that's not an answer he'd like to hear." He might not be able to read minds at the moment, but he doesn't need to to come up with the sort of answer Vash might prefer.
Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 06:16 am (UTC)He shifts to cross one leg over the other, an idle sit. "But dyin' for the first time's terrifyin', even if you know intellectually that yer gonna come back - some folks here might not come to terms with that right away. Vash seems like he's one a' those types, where his death damn well got to him."
Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 06:30 am (UTC)"I was not afraid of my final death, but I was already dying." He'd been close to the edge of death before. He'd had reason to be glad to be back. "There are those who fear the thought of acceptance." Does he think that Vash was seeking his own death? He couldn't read his mind but he wouldn't go that far. Is there a reason that Vash might be less certain? Well, there are a range of reasons that someone can end up dead (more metaphorically) drunk and speaking to someone who isn't there, but Armand has far more experience interacting with humans at their last moments than he has in most other areas involving interacting with humans.
Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 06:42 am (UTC)Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 06:51 am (UTC)Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 06:58 am (UTC)His arms tighten across his chest a little, but he just looks disappointed. "An' maybe you should think about the outcome a' that sort a' thing a little more. You can't predict what people might do when they're upset, an' tellin' someone outright that they just happened t'be the first warm body you came across to hurt when you wanted to sink yer teeth into somethin' isn't gonna be somethin' most people take well. 'specially someone who's already got reason to resent yer actions."
Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 07:04 am (UTC)Armand looks mildly offended. "I wouldn't have told him that." He has no reason not to say it to Sam, but that no reason to think he'd ever say it to Vash. "I have thought of potential outcomes." Post facto, but still.
Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 07:20 am (UTC)His arms loosen a little, but he still looks unhappy. "Pardon the phrase, but what in the Sam Hill did you think was gonna happen if he did confront you?"
Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 07:27 am (UTC)He lifts a shoulder. "I see it more as a matter of what he could do. Words? Violence? Some abstract spell?" None of which would bother him. "A chance to express emotions can clean a wound rather than let it fester." There's nothing here that matters to him enough that Vash could destroy it.
Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 07:47 am (UTC)His arms unfold, hanging slack by his sides. "I don't want you wastin' yer time on any apologies you ain't sayin' with yer whole goddamn chest." And a light gesture. "I don't want any lip service - you're way too smart fer that. So - unless you care that you hurt someone, you understand what they want from an apology, an' you plan on makin' an effort to do better by the person you wronged, there ain't no point."
Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 07:53 am (UTC)Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 08:04 am (UTC)Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 08:07 am (UTC)Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 08:17 am (UTC)Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 08:24 am (UTC)"If they really feel hurt, they usually don't really forgive me. It can still make them feel better in the moment."
Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 09:38 am (UTC)As the kids say, this is some wild shit.
"An' there's a difference between goin' through the motions - apologising to make sure you get in less trouble fer hurtin' 'em - and actually meaning what you say. If yer gonna weaponise yer apology to make folks pity you, instead of sayin' 'em cos you want to do better by 'em, then I still don't want you sayin' 'em."
Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 05:18 pm (UTC)"There are those who say a vampire should not apologize, but I do not enjoy fighting." Which is something of an alternative to fighting, back home. "Things are different here."
It's not as if he's looking for a way he can stick to Sam's words while also apologizing to someone.
Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 11:20 pm (UTC)Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-25 11:27 pm (UTC)"I'm well aware of that, Mr. Walls."
Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-26 02:02 am (UTC)Re: After Vash leaves
Date: 2025-06-26 02:15 am (UTC)Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From:Re: After Vash leaves
From: